Looking over this past year, I see several steps taken forward, and some taken backwards; several milestones achieved, and several goals lost… I’ve noticed one thing, despite my best efforts, I have yet to achieve what I wanted to achieve so dearly, yet I achieved what I had aimed for, for my primary goal. Most of you reading this won’t really understand what I’m saying, but a few will, and those of you that do, will know exactly what I mean when I say that I am complete, yet incomplete.
Regardless of how it seems, my life has had its share of ups and downs, from countless hours spent walking in the proverbial rain, to countless keystrokes first writing some words, and then erasing them to eternity.
Among other things, I saw my life come to a crashing halt, and I saw it start moving at such a high pace that life, the world, all seemed a blur. I dare not judge how this year has fared in my lifetime, but I do perceive what I have achieved in this short span of time that seems to fly by.
I learned my responsibilities, and learned them by heart. Pushed forward, pushed myself, pushed against the walls that were closing in; inch by inch, just to make my life progress forward, just to make it move. Every bit of my life, I have done that, at varying levels of transparency, but this year was special. This year, I went all out…
I pushed myself to the brink; the brink of restlessness, the brink of exhaustion, the brink of solitude, the brink of this fleshy restraint. I’ve drawn every ounce of strength and extracted every possible joule of energy from it.
As I look back, the first thing I see is a person, distraught from everything, and just wondering where his world went. He was lost; fighting for a lost cause, a lost life… He gradually stood up, and started fighting even harder. He learned to keep moving, despite some very hairy odds; despite hanging by a thread over a chasm as deep and wide as the expanse of this very universe.
He strived, for some meaning, and built one up for himself. This meaning wasn’t something as big as saving the universe, or as paltry as wooing the new cutie at his university, but it was something very important none the less. It was a first step in the right direction; he started looking for a job.
However, I’ve done a lot more through this year; made some new friends, and a lot of memories. Developed a bond with some friends, and lost others completely. However, I made a lot of memories that I will remember for a very long time to come.
An inkling of a thought just emerged in my mind. It’s said that some of our dreams, are like signs for us. I don’t really know if it’s true or not, but I did see some of my dreams come true. I saw quite a few of my dreams come true through this time span, even though some dreams went unnoticed. I’ll talk about them later on.
Even though I had suffered somewhat through this year, I still managed to hit home when I finally found what I had been searching for, a job, which was more than just a job; it was something I liked doing.
I had spent countless hours tapping away my emotions, my thoughts on this piece of plastic, even though they were just meaningless. I transformed that senseless babbling into something that the whole world read, something everyone gained from. Yep, that’s right… I became a professional writer and editor.
From that day onwards, my life has been a struggle; a struggle to manage time between my education, and my professional career, and my non-existent social life. It seems very easy, my life, but if you go into the amount of emotional clutter I carry around, you’ll be astonished to see me still moving. It is said that people don’t really know their own strength till they actually need to use it. “They” are right!
Now if I talk about my achievements, it might look like bragging, but I think I’ve earned the right to brag a bit while retrospecting. From being nothing, I stand at a mountain peak, with my arms outstretched, and ready to soar through the air. It might seem like I’ll fall, but I’m just about to soar baby!
Not only did I reach my career goal right when I started my career, I went beyond and achieved goals I never expected to achieve in my lifetime. It has taken countless people ages to get to where I am, but due to dumb luck, lots of prayers, a few good deeds, and the help of a few friends, and (according to some) a little bit of skill, I have achieved all this in record time. From being a nothing, to being someone people call up asking for career advice, and for help in career advancement. What a ride!
Back to those dreams I was talking about. Some of my dreams, that I had never even pictured coming true came true, and those that I knew would, just faded away. What those dreams were, some people who are very close to me already know, while others don’t, and probably will never come to know.
My dreams varied from becoming someone who everyone wants to associate themselves with, to someone whose family prides his being from them, to a person of some importance to some. Additionally, I was reminded of some very old dreams that reminded me of what it means to actually live and breathe, and what it means to be everything for some. Even though I didn’t quite get there, at least I have a nonmaterial goal now.
As I look forward, to 2008, there are some seeds of doubt, some kindling thoughts and emotions, and lots of expectations. What will triumph out of those? I know not, and I leave it up to time, to disclose its course. However, one thing is for sure, that it will bring a lot more memories and a lot more milestones!
January 1, 2007 – December 31, 2007
The End of an Eternity and The Beginning of Another…